1
00:00:02,000 --> 00:00:05,360
This programme contains
some strong language
and some scenes of a sexual nature

2
00:00:05,360 --> 00:00:08,080
You're on the market research team.
Say you love it, get 100 quid.

3
00:00:08,080 --> 00:00:10,760
Your boss offered me a full time
position. I'm divorcing your dad.

4
00:00:10,760 --> 00:00:12,880
I'm asking him to hang
this sign since three months!

5
00:00:12,880 --> 00:00:14,520
How about we put some of your stuff
away?

6
00:00:14,520 --> 00:00:16,680
Honestly, I'll be out of here
before you know it.

7
00:00:36,480 --> 00:00:41,520
Badala Zamana
by Zohra

8
00:01:15,080 --> 00:01:17,640
Aaagh! Ow!

9
00:01:22,920 --> 00:01:25,880
SONG CONTINUES

10
00:01:38,200 --> 00:01:40,840
Aaagh!

11
00:01:40,840 --> 00:01:42,440
Now I've said it, I can't stop. Right.

12
00:01:42,440 --> 00:01:44,720
It's actually quite easy, isn't it?
Like, I love you.

13
00:01:44,720 --> 00:01:46,640
I really love you. I love you, Guy.

14
00:01:46,640 --> 00:01:49,080
I love you, too. No, seriously,
I fucking love you.

15
00:01:49,080 --> 00:01:51,800
Mm-hm.
Excuse me? I love this guy.

16
00:01:51,800 --> 00:01:53,160
Oh, God.

17
00:01:53,160 --> 00:01:55,280
Jamma, I think
you're saying it a bit too much now.

18
00:01:55,280 --> 00:01:57,160
Oh, what? It's losing its meaning?

19
00:01:57,160 --> 00:01:58,360
Mmm, a little bit.

20
00:01:58,360 --> 00:02:00,160
Shall I replace it with
something else?

21
00:02:00,160 --> 00:02:01,240
Can you?

22
00:02:01,240 --> 00:02:02,600
Yeah. All right.

23
00:02:02,600 --> 00:02:07,440
I...hey-a-lamav-you...

24
00:02:07,440 --> 00:02:10,200
Hell... of...a... view?

25
00:02:10,200 --> 00:02:12,680
Helluva view, that's nice,
I like that.

26
00:02:12,680 --> 00:02:14,200
OK, would you still love me... Mmm?

27
00:02:14,200 --> 00:02:16,800
...if I spent the rest
of the day like this?

28
00:02:19,840 --> 00:02:22,480
It's not ideal, is it?
But, yeah, I would. Really?

29
00:02:22,480 --> 00:02:24,080
Mm-hm. You're weird. Am I? Yeah.

30
00:02:24,080 --> 00:02:26,920
And what about if my ears were
like this, would you still love me?

31
00:02:26,920 --> 00:02:28,760
Whoa! How are you doing that?

32
00:02:28,760 --> 00:02:31,320
I don't have any cartilage in them.
What the fuck?

33
00:02:31,320 --> 00:02:33,960
Oh, there we go, that lamp for your
side of the bed. No.

34
00:02:33,960 --> 00:02:37,360
No, no, no. I've got a flat viewing
at Winnie's later, so all good.

35
00:02:37,360 --> 00:02:40,800
Ah, OK. OK, what
if every time you had an orgasm...

36
00:02:40,800 --> 00:02:45,760
Mmm. ..I was like,
"Fuck the police"?!

37
00:02:47,080 --> 00:02:48,520
Guy.

38
00:02:48,520 --> 00:02:50,080
Dan.

39
00:02:50,080 --> 00:02:51,960
Hey.

40
00:02:51,960 --> 00:02:54,520
Oh! I was enjoying that.

41
00:02:54,520 --> 00:02:55,840
Are you Guy's new...?

42
00:02:55,840 --> 00:02:57,280
Yeah, this is Jamma.

43
00:02:57,280 --> 00:02:58,400
Jamma, this is Dan.

44
00:02:58,400 --> 00:03:00,440
Hey, how's it going?

45
00:03:00,440 --> 00:03:01,920
How's Custard?

46
00:03:01,920 --> 00:03:04,440
Pretty unfazed by the whole thing, actually.

47
00:03:04,440 --> 00:03:05,680
Just had three puppies.

48
00:03:05,680 --> 00:03:07,480
Wow, three puppies.

49
00:03:09,160 --> 00:03:14,320
Um, sorry, er, so Dan and I
used to...

50
00:03:15,480 --> 00:03:17,840
Oh! Hmm. Oh, shit.

51
00:03:17,840 --> 00:03:19,600
He's hot.

52
00:03:19,600 --> 00:03:23,400
I mean, he's fit too, isn't he?
So it makes sense.

53
00:03:23,400 --> 00:03:25,520
If anything,
I'm letting the team down.

54
00:03:25,520 --> 00:03:26,960
Trust me...

55
00:03:26,960 --> 00:03:28,560
...you're not.

56
00:03:30,800 --> 00:03:34,000
Er... OK. Well, we should probably
make a move, then, right?

57
00:03:34,000 --> 00:03:35,200
I thought you were gonna...?

58
00:03:35,200 --> 00:03:37,840
No, I think we've seen everything
we need to see here, haven't we?

59
00:03:37,840 --> 00:03:40,200
OK, yeah. Yeah? Let's go.
It's really good to see you, Dan.

60
00:03:40,200 --> 00:03:41,560
You, too. Take care. You, too.

61
00:03:52,440 --> 00:03:54,360
I think he was flirting with me.

62
00:03:54,360 --> 00:03:57,080
His ex? Hmm. That doesn't make
sense. I know.

63
00:03:57,080 --> 00:03:59,680
No-one ever flirts with me.
But this is how it works.

64
00:03:59,680 --> 00:04:02,920
Now you're in a relationship,
everyone's gonna want you.

65
00:04:02,920 --> 00:04:04,200
That's not true. Mm-hm.

66
00:04:04,200 --> 00:04:05,520
WOLF-WHISTLE

67
00:04:07,480 --> 00:04:09,000
Did he just...? Told you.

68
00:04:09,000 --> 00:04:10,200
Thank you.

69
00:04:10,200 --> 00:04:12,360
Do I go after him? No.

70
00:04:12,360 --> 00:04:15,200
A guy in your hand is worth two
guys in your bush.

71
00:04:15,200 --> 00:04:17,120
Winnie, I'm not gonna cheat on Guy.

72
00:04:17,120 --> 00:04:19,560
Jam Jar, of course you are.

73
00:04:19,560 --> 00:04:23,080
Everyone with self-esteem issues cheats.

74
00:04:27,840 --> 00:04:29,120
Are you coming?

75
00:04:33,320 --> 00:04:36,400
Oh, I like it already. And the best
thing is, no neighbours.

76
00:04:36,400 --> 00:04:39,040
Oh, party house! Yeah.

77
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And party we shall.

78
00:04:41,160 --> 00:04:44,240
It's a lovely flat...

79
00:04:44,240 --> 00:04:45,960
...school... classroom.

80
00:04:45,960 --> 00:04:48,320
So, how come you don't want to live
with your boyfriend?

81
00:04:48,320 --> 00:04:50,800
I just don't want to ruin it,
you know?

82
00:04:50,800 --> 00:04:54,040
And, like, his house is very nice
and orderly and tidy.

83
00:04:54,040 --> 00:04:56,960
Are you not tidy?
Oh, no, no, no, I am tidy.

84
00:04:56,960 --> 00:04:59,320
Yeah, no, I clean as a hobby.

85
00:04:59,320 --> 00:05:00,920
PHONE BUZZES

86
00:05:00,920 --> 00:05:03,240
Sorry. So sorry, it's my mum.

87
00:05:03,240 --> 00:05:04,520
Oh, no, no, take it.

88
00:05:04,520 --> 00:05:06,720
Should always make time for family.
Yeah, man.

89
00:05:08,040 --> 00:05:10,160
Hey, Mum, kind of busy right now.

90
00:05:10,160 --> 00:05:12,600
Your dad is a useless coward mouse!

91
00:05:12,600 --> 00:05:14,920
Shut up!
Shut the fuck up!

92
00:05:14,920 --> 00:05:17,360
I'm throwing him out! What, again?
Mum.

93
00:05:17,360 --> 00:05:18,880
He bought a singing machine.

94
00:05:18,880 --> 00:05:20,440
It has a light-up panel.

95
00:05:20,440 --> 00:05:24,520
MUM SHOUTS BACK IN URDU

96
00:05:24,520 --> 00:05:26,680
Yeah, karaoke night? Sounds great.

97
00:05:26,680 --> 00:05:28,160
Ta-ta, bye-bye for now!

98
00:05:30,560 --> 00:05:33,000
So... how did you all meet?

99
00:05:33,000 --> 00:05:36,880
Basil found me on Gumtree,
where I find all my relationships.

100
00:05:36,880 --> 00:05:38,720
Rob and I met at Cambridge,

101
00:05:38,720 --> 00:05:41,160
and Julia and I at a protest for
migrant rights.

102
00:05:41,160 --> 00:05:44,080
You know, Jamma's family
nearly got deported.

103
00:05:44,080 --> 00:05:46,040
Oh, that must have been traumatic.

104
00:05:46,040 --> 00:05:48,680
Not as traumatic as getting pubes,
am I right?

105
00:05:50,600 --> 00:05:52,800
So what's your best quality
as a housemate?

106
00:05:52,800 --> 00:05:55,520
Jamma can make his eyebrows dance.

107
00:05:55,520 --> 00:05:57,560
I can, actually, yeah. Show them.

108
00:05:57,560 --> 00:05:59,400
Winnie, I'm not gonna bore
everyone with...

109
00:05:59,400 --> 00:06:00,920
Show them. Give me a beat.

110
00:06:01,920 --> 00:06:04,560
SHE BEATBOXES

111
00:06:11,560 --> 00:06:13,560
And he can do it
with his butt cheeks, too.

112
00:06:13,560 --> 00:06:15,880
No, I'm not gonna...
No-one wants to see that, Winnie.

113
00:06:15,880 --> 00:06:17,480
I do. Basil does.

114
00:06:17,480 --> 00:06:20,360
Oh, you ain't never seen
a butt like this.

115
00:06:20,360 --> 00:06:25,480
Butt, b-butt, butt, butt,
butt, butt, b-butt, butt, butt.

116
00:06:25,480 --> 00:06:27,000
Butt b-butt, butt, butt.

117
00:06:27,000 --> 00:06:29,560
Butt, butt, butt, butt, butt...

118
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SHE IMITATES HONKING HORN

119
00:06:31,640 --> 00:06:33,080
Yay!

120
00:06:40,760 --> 00:06:42,520
I can make a really good
jacket potato.

121
00:06:42,520 --> 00:06:45,960
So I should show you the room.
The room, yeah, let's, yeah.

122
00:06:45,960 --> 00:06:47,280
Oh, OK.

123
00:06:47,280 --> 00:06:51,920
Here it is. Oh.
Rent, it's 900 before bills.

124
00:06:51,920 --> 00:06:54,200
Wow. Yeah, great.

125
00:06:54,200 --> 00:06:57,440
It's amazing. It's so me.

126
00:06:57,440 --> 00:07:01,040
Er, who was here before? A couple.

127
00:07:02,280 --> 00:07:03,920
Didn't end well.

128
00:07:03,920 --> 00:07:05,360
It never does, right?

129
00:07:05,360 --> 00:07:07,320
Right.

130
00:07:15,640 --> 00:07:18,280
So, I should give you my number...

131
00:07:20,040 --> 00:07:22,840
...you know, in case you have
any questions about the room.

132
00:07:23,960 --> 00:07:26,560
Yeah, yeah, erm... Sorry.

133
00:07:35,520 --> 00:07:37,360
Cheeky boys, get a room!

134
00:07:37,360 --> 00:07:39,080
Preferably this one.

135
00:07:39,080 --> 00:07:42,840
Erm, Rob says he's got a few more questions.

136
00:07:42,840 --> 00:07:44,000
Yeah, er... yes.

137
00:07:49,560 --> 00:07:52,840
WOLF-WHISTLE

138
00:07:52,840 --> 00:07:55,000
HORN BEEPS

139
00:07:56,200 --> 00:07:57,800
What's your number?

140
00:07:57,800 --> 00:08:01,480
Oh, mate, come back! I'm taken!

141
00:08:09,640 --> 00:08:12,400
Nah, money's a bourgeois convention.

142
00:08:12,400 --> 00:08:14,320
You know, that's where I'm
putting my vote.

143
00:08:14,320 --> 00:08:15,480
I'm voting for my chakra,

144
00:08:15,480 --> 00:08:17,880
that's where I'm voting.

145
00:08:17,880 --> 00:08:19,560
Hi, yeah, that's...

146
00:08:19,560 --> 00:08:20,960
He's done, yeah.

147
00:08:20,960 --> 00:08:22,720
He's done here, yeah. Thank you.

148
00:08:22,720 --> 00:08:26,400
OK, look, if you're really gonna
do this, then let's do it together.

149
00:08:26,400 --> 00:08:28,680
I'm just here to get a case
study for art school.

150
00:08:28,680 --> 00:08:31,480
Oh, so you're doing it ironically?

151
00:08:31,480 --> 00:08:32,680
Yes.

152
00:08:32,680 --> 00:08:34,040
Great.

153
00:08:34,040 --> 00:08:36,560
You know this is like
a serious career?

154
00:08:36,560 --> 00:08:40,400
..you want to hide
from all your problems.

155
00:08:40,400 --> 00:08:43,880
OK, look, why don't
we market ourselves like brothers?

156
00:08:43,880 --> 00:08:46,400
We are brothers.
People love that shit.

157
00:08:46,400 --> 00:08:49,200
Cain and Abel, Mario and Luigi,
Wallace and Gromit.

158
00:08:49,200 --> 00:08:50,280
Gromit's a dog.

159
00:08:50,280 --> 00:08:53,240
We can help each other get
the good campaigns

160
00:08:53,240 --> 00:08:56,360
cos you don't want a dud campaign.
Hmm, like yoghurt. Yeah.

161
00:08:56,360 --> 00:08:57,400
No, no, sorry, no,

162
00:08:57,400 --> 00:09:00,880
that actually was really respected
in the end cos of me. Hmm.

163
00:09:05,400 --> 00:09:06,640
Do not go in there.

164
00:09:12,160 --> 00:09:14,080
So, you got the tactic, yeah?

165
00:09:14,080 --> 00:09:15,200
You big me up, I big you up.

166
00:09:15,200 --> 00:09:16,840
I don't know what to say for you, though.

167
00:09:16,840 --> 00:09:19,520
Come on, man, just say,
"I've known Jamma my whole life.

168
00:09:19,520 --> 00:09:22,160
"He was born to do this campaign,
it's so him."

169
00:09:22,160 --> 00:09:23,680
Etc, etc, OK?

170
00:09:25,480 --> 00:09:26,720
Well done for settling in,

171
00:09:26,720 --> 00:09:29,200
we'll be moving offices
every six months from now on.

172
00:09:29,200 --> 00:09:31,040
Why? It keeps ideas fresh.

173
00:09:31,040 --> 00:09:32,760
Le Peau Peau face cream,

174
00:09:32,760 --> 00:09:35,440
high-end retainer client based
in Paris,

175
00:09:35,440 --> 00:09:38,120
needs two people to fly
out for the pitch.

176
00:09:38,120 --> 00:09:40,600
If nobody minds,
I'd like to volunteer myself.

177
00:09:40,600 --> 00:09:45,600
I've got great skin. I actually lost
my virginite in Paris,

178
00:09:45,600 --> 00:09:48,560
so I would quite like to return
and find it.

179
00:09:48,560 --> 00:09:51,800
I think Isaac would be great
on this, but maybe with, like,

180
00:09:51,800 --> 00:09:53,800
an older brother figure
to show him the ropes.

181
00:09:53,800 --> 00:09:55,520
Hey? What do you say, bro?

182
00:09:59,560 --> 00:10:01,560
I'll make my decision
by the end of play.

183
00:10:01,560 --> 00:10:03,840
Now, we've got
a lot of new clients coming in...

184
00:10:03,840 --> 00:10:05,200
You're supposed to big me up.

185
00:10:05,200 --> 00:10:07,560
It was implied. ..so we really need
to bring our A game.

186
00:10:07,560 --> 00:10:11,560
Which brings me onto the Ekko
chamber. Immersive headwear,

187
00:10:11,560 --> 00:10:16,720
a way to experience podcasts
without distractions.

188
00:10:16,720 --> 00:10:18,240
No, thank you.

189
00:10:18,240 --> 00:10:21,480
I've known Jamma my whole life.
He was born to do this campaign,

190
00:10:21,480 --> 00:10:24,600
it's so him, etc, etc.
Shut up, shut up. Great!

191
00:10:24,600 --> 00:10:27,320
All yours, Jamma.

192
00:10:27,320 --> 00:10:28,640
Bad luck, Jam Jar.

193
00:10:30,000 --> 00:10:32,880
Well done, bro. Cheers, yeah.

194
00:10:37,480 --> 00:10:39,280
PHONE PINGS

195
00:10:40,480 --> 00:10:42,040
It was great to meet you.

196
00:10:42,040 --> 00:10:43,400
When are you free?

197
00:10:45,600 --> 00:10:47,640
PHONE PINGS AGAIN

198
00:10:47,640 --> 00:10:49,560
It's Basil, by the way.

199
00:10:52,680 --> 00:10:56,640
So, the honeymoon's over,
now the real work begins.

200
00:10:56,640 --> 00:10:59,600
How was the Galapagos Islands?
I hated it.

201
00:11:01,280 --> 00:11:02,880
Because of the sunburn?

202
00:11:02,880 --> 00:11:05,360
Oh, God, can you tell?

203
00:11:07,160 --> 00:11:08,920
OK, come on, you two.

204
00:11:08,920 --> 00:11:12,920
Maggie, Hannah, let's use
the communication framework.

205
00:11:12,920 --> 00:11:14,400
Maggie, you go first.

206
00:11:16,760 --> 00:11:19,920
"When you do X, I feel X."

207
00:11:19,920 --> 00:11:22,520
"I would like X..."

208
00:11:22,520 --> 00:11:24,320
Oh, yeah, OK.

209
00:11:24,320 --> 00:11:27,440
When you touched me, Hannah,

210
00:11:27,440 --> 00:11:31,000
it was painful.
I didn't want to have sex.

211
00:11:31,000 --> 00:11:32,840
It was painful for me, too.

212
00:11:33,960 --> 00:11:37,400
I just did it because I thought
it was what you wanted.

213
00:11:37,400 --> 00:11:39,440
And what did you want, Hannah?

214
00:11:41,240 --> 00:11:45,200
After-sun. Me, too.

215
00:11:45,200 --> 00:11:46,720
BOTH START TO LAUGH

216
00:11:46,720 --> 00:11:49,200
Ow! Ow! Sorry.

217
00:11:49,200 --> 00:11:50,400
Sorry.

218
00:11:50,400 --> 00:11:53,800
All right, thank you very much.
Thank you. Take care.

219
00:11:53,800 --> 00:11:56,080
I'll see you next time, OK?
Thank you. All right. Bye.

220
00:11:56,080 --> 00:11:57,520
God.

221
00:12:00,440 --> 00:12:02,280
MUFFLED SCREAM

222
00:12:06,240 --> 00:12:07,920
HE SIGHS

223
00:12:07,920 --> 00:12:10,680
Love the great outdoors.
I didn't hear you come in.

224
00:12:10,680 --> 00:12:11,960
Yeah, just, just now.

225
00:12:11,960 --> 00:12:13,840
You been cycling? Yeah. Yeah?

226
00:12:15,720 --> 00:12:18,680
What are you doing?
What are you doing?

227
00:12:18,680 --> 00:12:21,320
Aah! It's Marmite.

228
00:12:21,320 --> 00:12:24,600
Marmite? Mm-hm. Marzipan.

229
00:12:24,600 --> 00:12:27,200
Marzipan?

230
00:12:27,200 --> 00:12:28,880
Nervousness, betrayal, deceit.

231
00:12:28,880 --> 00:12:30,840
What did you say?
It's like wood smoke.

232
00:12:32,880 --> 00:12:34,920
You smell like a feral goat.

233
00:12:37,440 --> 00:12:39,360
Can I ask you a question?

234
00:12:39,360 --> 00:12:41,160
Of course you can.

235
00:12:42,600 --> 00:12:43,680
Say your clients...

236
00:12:43,680 --> 00:12:45,920
No, Jamma,
we're not talking about my clients.

237
00:12:45,920 --> 00:12:48,800
Yeah, no, but, like, hypothetically.
Mm-hm.

238
00:12:48,800 --> 00:12:52,280
Right, for ease, let's call them
Maggie and Hannah.

239
00:12:52,280 --> 00:12:54,120
Jamma!
What? So you were listening?

240
00:12:54,120 --> 00:12:57,520
I know, I'm... You can't do that,
it's so unethical. I'm sorry.

241
00:12:57,520 --> 00:12:59,840
Hey, I'm on your side,
they're a pain in the arse.

242
00:12:59,840 --> 00:13:03,200
Listen, if you're gonna talk about
my clients hypothetically,

243
00:13:03,200 --> 00:13:05,760
at least do something like change
their names. Totally.

244
00:13:05,760 --> 00:13:11,600
OK. Say Haggie got Mannah...

245
00:13:11,600 --> 00:13:14,200
I mean, that's perfect, isn't it?
...a puppy, right?

246
00:13:14,200 --> 00:13:18,200
But, while they were in the
Galapololagos Islands or whatever,

247
00:13:18,200 --> 00:13:20,920
Mannah discovered a new species of puppy.

248
00:13:20,920 --> 00:13:23,920
That don't mean
she don't love the puppy back home.

249
00:13:23,920 --> 00:13:26,520
Yeah, I think
I know what you're getting at.

250
00:13:26,520 --> 00:13:29,000
Yeah. Custard.

251
00:13:30,400 --> 00:13:32,280
What? The other dog.

252
00:13:32,280 --> 00:13:34,240
You're wondering why Dan got custody.

253
00:13:34,240 --> 00:13:36,000
Custody of Custard? Yeah.

254
00:13:36,000 --> 00:13:40,800
I mean, there were just many
issues in the relationship.

255
00:13:40,800 --> 00:13:42,880
Well, what kind of issues?

256
00:13:42,880 --> 00:13:46,160
Well, like... trust.

257
00:13:46,160 --> 00:13:47,960
PHONE PINGS

258
00:13:47,960 --> 00:13:50,760
You should get that,
it's probably me.

259
00:13:50,760 --> 00:13:52,440
PHONE PINGS AGAIN

260
00:13:56,240 --> 00:13:57,320
Thanks.

261
00:13:57,320 --> 00:14:00,080
Obviously, I'm fully aware
my ex is very attractive.

262
00:14:00,080 --> 00:14:01,640
Not as hot as you, though.

263
00:14:01,640 --> 00:14:04,040
Really? I didn't really notice.

264
00:14:04,040 --> 00:14:05,720
What ex? Oh, oh, him.

265
00:14:05,720 --> 00:14:09,000
Yeah, no, I don't, I don't really
see that kind of stuff. Thanks.

266
00:14:09,000 --> 00:14:12,920
So, anyway, he would be flirting
with anything that moved,

267
00:14:12,920 --> 00:14:14,960
getting numbers behind my back.

268
00:14:14,960 --> 00:14:16,080
PHONE BUZZES AGAIN

269
00:14:16,080 --> 00:14:18,560
What a dick. Poor guy.

270
00:14:19,960 --> 00:14:21,200
And Basil?

271
00:14:21,200 --> 00:14:22,240
What?

272
00:14:23,920 --> 00:14:25,400
Pass me the basil.

273
00:14:31,480 --> 00:14:32,720
PHONE PINGS AGAIN

274
00:14:32,720 --> 00:14:34,600
Oh, my God. I'll get that!
It's fine.

275
00:14:40,160 --> 00:14:42,520
You need to stop ignoring your mum.

276
00:14:44,720 --> 00:14:47,440
It's an emergency,
I need you home now! No...

277
00:14:50,520 --> 00:14:54,640
You look, he's humiliating us
in front of the whole neighbourhood!

278
00:14:54,640 --> 00:14:57,120
How is this an emergency? Jamal!

279
00:14:59,400 --> 00:15:01,400
Get out!

280
00:15:10,000 --> 00:15:12,680
It's fine, Mum, look,
he's getting out. Look.

281
00:15:14,920 --> 00:15:17,280
SHE SHOUTS IN URDU

282
00:15:20,560 --> 00:15:22,920
OK, get the spare key, Mum.

283
00:15:22,920 --> 00:15:25,640
OK, there's a technique.

284
00:15:25,640 --> 00:15:29,080
It's called "communication
framework", all right?

285
00:15:29,080 --> 00:15:32,920
So, you say, "When you do X,
I feel X. I would like X."

286
00:15:32,920 --> 00:15:35,520
You would like eggs? No, not eggs.

287
00:15:37,320 --> 00:15:39,360
I like eggs. Look, forget the eggs.

288
00:15:39,360 --> 00:15:40,760
Mum, just tell me what happened.

289
00:15:54,000 --> 00:15:55,760
Yeah, appreciate
the Gola pencil case.

290
00:15:55,760 --> 00:15:57,880
{\an8}What's this got to do
with the karaoke machine?

291
00:16:00,560 --> 00:16:02,400
{\an8}Congratulations. Thank you.

292
00:16:11,040 --> 00:16:12,480
A singing machine!

293
00:16:12,480 --> 00:16:14,400
Yeah, OK, and how do you feel?

294
00:16:14,400 --> 00:16:15,640
Donkey.

295
00:16:15,640 --> 00:16:17,920
You feel "donkey"?
He's a coward mouse.

296
00:16:17,920 --> 00:16:20,200
No, Mum, that's not how you feel.
That's how I feel.

297
00:16:20,200 --> 00:16:22,400
You're doing it wrong.
I need to go toilet.

298
00:16:22,400 --> 00:16:26,280
No, no, no. Mum, "I would like..."

299
00:16:26,280 --> 00:16:31,000
I would like him to stop making me
embarrassed in front of my public.

300
00:16:31,000 --> 00:16:34,480
Great, good.
OK, Dad, what would you like?

301
00:16:35,480 --> 00:16:37,720
I would like...

302
00:16:40,440 --> 00:16:42,160
...singing machine.

303
00:16:42,160 --> 00:16:43,680
SHE RANTS IN URDU

304
00:16:46,240 --> 00:16:47,480
HE ARGUES BACK

305
00:16:47,480 --> 00:16:49,080
Everyone...

306
00:16:49,080 --> 00:16:51,960
Good news, that tactic worked.

307
00:16:51,960 --> 00:16:57,440
Me and the boss spoke and... she
wants us to do the Paris campaign.

308
00:16:57,440 --> 00:17:00,440
Paris? We got Le Peau Peau? Yeah, me
and... and Pat.

309
00:17:00,440 --> 00:17:01,760
What do you mean, Pat?

310
00:17:01,760 --> 00:17:03,920
She said he's the perfect big
brother figure.

311
00:17:03,920 --> 00:17:07,000
Wait, what? Anyway, got to go learn French.

312
00:17:07,000 --> 00:17:10,520
No, no, Isaac.
I'm literally your big brother.

313
00:17:12,760 --> 00:17:14,320
Singing machine!

314
00:17:15,240 --> 00:17:17,080
SHE CONTINUES RANTING

315
00:17:21,680 --> 00:17:25,080
Dad, man, just get
a refund for the stupid machine.

316
00:17:36,840 --> 00:17:38,960
A smart suit, yeah? Promise me.

317
00:17:46,520 --> 00:17:48,240
Mum, just let him move back in.

318
00:17:48,240 --> 00:17:50,080
The car's starting to smell.

319
00:17:50,080 --> 00:17:54,560
You think living together helps?
He hasn't touched me in 20 years.

320
00:17:54,560 --> 00:17:56,920
Have you tried telling him
you love him?

321
00:17:56,920 --> 00:17:58,040
Love?

322
00:17:58,040 --> 00:18:01,080
Love is not enough, Jamal.

323
00:18:04,200 --> 00:18:05,880
PHONE PINGS

324
00:18:06,880 --> 00:18:08,600
Do you wanna get a drink?

325
00:18:26,280 --> 00:18:28,760
Ahem.

326
00:18:28,760 --> 00:18:30,360
Hey.

327
00:18:31,760 --> 00:18:33,160
I need to talk to you.

328
00:18:34,120 --> 00:18:36,200
I'm having an affair. What?

329
00:18:36,200 --> 00:18:38,480
It's a guy I met at the house
viewing, his name is Basil.

330
00:18:38,480 --> 00:18:40,320
I know, what kind of dickhead name
is Basil?

331
00:18:40,320 --> 00:18:41,400
OK, Jamma, slow down.

332
00:18:41,400 --> 00:18:44,280
No, he's been texting me,
trying to hook up. And have you?

333
00:18:44,280 --> 00:18:46,760
No... Right. ..but I just,
I knew this would happen.

334
00:18:46,760 --> 00:18:48,760
As soon as I say, "I love you,"
I let you down.

335
00:18:48,760 --> 00:18:50,440
But you haven't slept with anyone?

336
00:18:50,440 --> 00:18:52,480
No, no,
but it's really hard not to, OK?

337
00:18:52,480 --> 00:18:54,760
Everyone is literally throwing
themselves at me.

338
00:18:54,760 --> 00:18:57,160
Anything else?
Mate, I'm not interested.

339
00:18:59,400 --> 00:19:00,560
See what I mean?

340
00:19:00,560 --> 00:19:03,800
It's like suddenly everyone's
realised I'm drop dead gorgeous.

341
00:19:03,800 --> 00:19:06,120
Jamma, do you know what? I think
that maybe...

342
00:19:06,120 --> 00:19:08,280
Oh, what, what? You don't
believe people find me hot?

343
00:19:08,280 --> 00:19:10,840
I'm not saying that. OK. No...

344
00:19:10,840 --> 00:19:13,920
Oh, look, Mr Basil Brush
has left a voice note.

345
00:19:13,920 --> 00:19:16,360
Let's listen to this filth,
shall we?

346
00:19:16,360 --> 00:19:17,560
Hey, you're not replying,

347
00:19:17,560 --> 00:19:19,520
so I'm gonna have to say this in a
voice note.

348
00:19:19,520 --> 00:19:21,640
We decided to go in a different direction

349
00:19:21,640 --> 00:19:24,680
with the housemate situation,
that's why I wanted to meet.

350
00:19:24,680 --> 00:19:26,920
We thought it was more ethical
to tell you in person.

351
00:19:26,920 --> 00:19:28,440
It's full of subtext.

352
00:19:28,440 --> 00:19:29,800
Anyway, no subtext,

353
00:19:29,800 --> 00:19:32,800
just wanted to let you know
that it's nothing personal.

354
00:19:32,800 --> 00:19:36,000
We loved your butt dance.
Butt dance? OK, do you know what?

355
00:19:36,000 --> 00:19:38,960
Forget it.
What about your ex-boyfriend, then?

356
00:19:38,960 --> 00:19:42,160
At the furniture shop,
he was giving me the eyes.

357
00:19:42,160 --> 00:19:44,440
He was trying to get back at me.
For what?

358
00:19:45,920 --> 00:19:48,720
You know I said
that, in our relationship,

359
00:19:48,720 --> 00:19:50,400
myself and Dan had issues
with trust?

360
00:19:50,400 --> 00:19:53,280
Well, at the end of the day,
it was me that broke that agreement.

361
00:19:54,360 --> 00:19:56,080
What do you mean?

362
00:19:56,080 --> 00:19:57,880
I slept with someone else.

363
00:20:00,120 --> 00:20:01,440
Why didn't you tell me?

364
00:20:01,440 --> 00:20:04,640
Because I didn't want to
lose your trust...

365
00:20:04,640 --> 00:20:06,600
...and now you're upset with me.

366
00:20:09,960 --> 00:20:11,640
So, let me get this right.

367
00:20:13,760 --> 00:20:18,120
Dan wasn't flirting with me
because he found me hot?

368
00:20:19,800 --> 00:20:21,680
He was being manipulative.

369
00:20:21,680 --> 00:20:24,040
Probably a bit of both, though, right?

370
00:20:24,040 --> 00:20:26,920
No. OK.
Great, so no-one finds me hot.

371
00:20:26,920 --> 00:20:29,640
Well, I do. Yeah, I know you do -
that doesn't count.

372
00:20:34,400 --> 00:20:38,080
Look, I... I don't care
about your previous relationships,

373
00:20:38,080 --> 00:20:39,760
I just know that I love you,

374
00:20:39,760 --> 00:20:43,560
but I don't want to pretend
that we don't find other people hot.

375
00:20:43,560 --> 00:20:46,960
Yeah, absolutely. So, let's just
keep the dialogue open

376
00:20:46,960 --> 00:20:50,560
and keep this light and sexy, yeah?

377
00:20:51,960 --> 00:20:53,840
Yeah. Yeah?

378
00:21:00,240 --> 00:21:04,120
Do you still love me? Helluva view.

379
00:21:11,360 --> 00:21:14,440
RHYTHMIC THUMPING

380
00:21:25,840 --> 00:21:28,360
Fuck the police!

381
00:21:28,360 --> 00:21:29,720
GUY LAUGHS